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what am i going to be when i grow up?

i turned down a full-time job on friday.
It was a full-time job with benefits at the Juvenile Resource Center (JRC). why? i would have had to give up my current job at the boys and girls club in brockton and i just couldn't do it.
most of the people i talked to about it told me hands down to take the full-time job. of course i should have, right? benefits, good company, an actual salary. but i didn't. i chose to remain at the teen center. again, why? i have wondered this very thing several times just since friday. BUT,
i call it a God thing.
Some call it woman's intuition, and others have different names for it. whatever you choose to call it, i feel called to work in this community and with these kids. right now, i feel that "pull" to remain at the boys and girls club. the kids can be mad and angry but also fun and lovable. i get it. if i had gone through half of what some of them have gone through i would be angry too. i would take it out on others too. i wouldn't trust people, and i would "talk tough" to hide my fear from everyone else. I have started building relationships and i usually enjoy my time with the kids. the fun and lovable side of the kids makes it worth staying for. sometimes you only catch glimpses of the lovable side because it is shrouded in anger, but those glimpses are priceless!

One teen i have really enjoyed getting to know is a young girl with a big heart. we'll call her kelly. kelly was also a participant in the summer program i ran so i started getting to know her before i started my job at the teen center. i remember one night when she asked me to read her poetry/song book and it was like reading pieces of her memoir. it was beautifully written, yet filled with sadness. too much sadness for a 15 yr old girl to know. and that is only one girl. can you imagine the amount of sadness hiding in a building filled with 80-ish at risk teens? overwhelming.
I know i am not supposed to take the emotions into consideration when making a career decision, but how can a social worker truly separate one from the other? how could i not think of kelly when i made my decision? when emotions are a part of the job it can be so hard to pull them out! i think i did so (or at least as best as i know how) and only now as i write am i thinking of all of the kids i would have missed.
So i guess this means i am still waiting for my "dream" job. and i know that it is still out there somewhere. i trust that God will provide...
"for I know the plans i have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11).
Right now i have been supplementing my part time boys and girls club gig with psych triage work at Brockton Hospital (i'm sure i'll be blogging some of those crazy stories very soon) and i started working a few hours a week for my dad again at the garden center. i hope to be able to start ride alongs again at Brockton police department too. as long as i am able to afford my life i am happy!
My ultimate goal is to intertwine my loves of social work and the criminal justice system. how i hope to do this? not so sure. but i do know that when the right job comes along i will know it. obviously the JRC job was not "the one". i loved my last job at Brockton police; i felt like i was really making a difference in the community which, in turn, made a difference to the people of the community. if i could re-create that job, or better yet if money could appear for that job, it would be great. until then though, i will make the best of what does come my way. and i will continue to [hopefully] make a difference in this City.

i am interested to hear what you all think on this subject. what are/were your career goals? did it turn out the way you thought it would?

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Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 2, 2010 at 7:52 PM

    I struggle with the same thing all the time, but you're listening to the right voice. We all have different gifts(Romans 12:6) and listening to the calling of the Lord only brings blessings.(1 Corinthians 9:22-24).

    I strive to remember this verse in everything I do:

    Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free. ~Ephesians 6:7-8

    You're right, he knows the plans of your life and will never leave you hungry or alone or in need.(Joshua 1:5)

    I personally think you made the right choice. We are called to serve those in need and not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of it's own

    ReplyDelete

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